i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
