the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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