Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
