I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
