were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
