it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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