i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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