And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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