You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize