Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
