Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
