ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
