how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
