it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
