Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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