Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
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My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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