even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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