I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
