i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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