I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
