she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
