My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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