We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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