We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
