birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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