On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
