Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
