You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
