Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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