Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
