I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
