i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it