just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
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This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.