I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"