I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
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How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?