The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.