his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
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All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.