i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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