Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
