So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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