If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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