I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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