He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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