Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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