I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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