I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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