apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
