We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
