actually, I'm a sock model
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
