just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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