my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm like, not good at living.
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