I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
