he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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