so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
