I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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