been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
