Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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