I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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