Apparently you make a good broom.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
