i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
