I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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