Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
