Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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