So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
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I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.