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remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
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