Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot