I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?