You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.