So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot