so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize