Someone shit on the floor
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
